i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
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