Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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