you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
