i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
