Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
