Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
