I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
