Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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