Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
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