My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
