The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
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He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
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I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
We're too hungover to prance.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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