I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
