I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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