I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
