Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Randomize
