I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Randomize
