i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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