who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Randomize
