Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
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