She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
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