I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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