It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
