i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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