New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Randomize
