so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
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Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
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