Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
