Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
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I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
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I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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