I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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