it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I could fuck to npr.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
