i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
my liver is dry heaving
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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