Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
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