I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
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