Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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