There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
