then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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