Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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