apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
accomplished twins. life is a go
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Randomize
