I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
