she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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