It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
