never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize