We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
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