My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
