I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
4 words: hood of his car
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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