White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
