If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize