so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
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He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
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