Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
