Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Randomize
