If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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