I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
