I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize