I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
When did angry sex become our thing?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Everyone says I win the strip club
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
