Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
