You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Randomize
