I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
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