so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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