I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
