I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
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