Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Randomize
