So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
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