Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Randomize
