Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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