are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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