In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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