I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I think people are normalizing furries
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
